I Am the Re-Source

I was sitting around just thinking about some things in my life and reflecting a little bit on yesterday's sermon at church and I remembered a message I had heard many months ago. Tim had mentioned in his sermon yesterday that he hears many people make the statement, "Doesn't anyone care about what I think or what I want?"

I'm remembering that today as I'm thinking about some of the things in my life that aren't exactly going as well as I'd hoped. Deep down I know what I want. I know the desires of my heart. I let myself get down and ill sometimes because after all, "doesn't anyone care about what I think or what I want?"

If you've ever been around an adolescent who is being disciplined you know the look and attitude I'm fixing to describe. That attitude that I'm being mistreated because I'm not getting to do or go where I want and no matter what anyone says, or how much sense it makes, I'm just going to be mad and pout. I know you've seen that look. And to those with small children, if you haven't seen it yet, just wait.

It occurred to me this weekend that we must look much like this in our Heavenly Father's eyes. When things don't go our way we pout. We cry out about how it isn't fair and it doesn't make sense. He has given us so much, even our being and yet our only focus is on how we are being mistreated. We've been good. We haven't done anything really wrong. Why can't we have what we want.

As I came to this realization about how I must look to the Father, I must say I was a bit embarrassed. That doesn't mean I won't do it again very soon or that I'm cured forever from being a self-centered, selfish person. It will happen again. But I hope when I see/feel that look on the face of my heart that I'll remember it isn't about me getting what I want.

That leads me to my second thought today, the message I remembered from months back. I was at a worship conference last summer and heard a music minister sharing some words on being the lead worshippers (the phrase they use in place of worship leader). He likened it to a bottle of water. He said to a thirsty person a bottle of water is life giving. It replenishes and cleanses. It is necessary.

I can bring someone a bottle of water and they can be replenished, but I'm not the source of their renewal. I didn't make the water and more than that, the only place I can get the water is from the source. Jesus is the source that the people need. As a Christian, all I can do is bring the source to the one's who need it. I'm a re-source. Just like a bottle, I can run between the source and the need, being filled and poured out over and over again. That is my real job as a Christian. As a believer and disciple, I become a resource to those who have no connection or way to get to the source.

So just as Robert Frost once wrote, "Two roads diverged in a wood," (Thank you Mrs. Spence's English Class), I have ran all over the place in this post. But, I think for me the truth is this - as long as I'm sitting around thinking, "Doesn't anyone care what I want or what I think", I'm missing my chance to be filled and to be a resource. Someone does really care. Jesus cares. And He loves me no matter what path I choose, but to agree with Frost, "I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Ups and Downs (Mountains and Valleys)

I've been reading in the Psalms for the past couple of months. I think I have read that entire book a couple of times before, but you know how the Word is living, right? And everytime you read it, you hear a new message. And each time the message is deeper and wider than it was before? I love that about the scriptures. It isn't like reading the same story over and over again (or in my case mostly, like watching the same movie over and over again). Every time you read it the story is fresh and new!

But anyway, I've been reading Psalms. Some of the other things I read about leading worship or being lead worshippers is that you should be reading in the Psalms - so I have been. When I read scripture, I try to put myself in the mindset of the author. A large portion of the Psalms was written by David.

Now besides being the youngest son of Jesse, slayer of the giant Philistine, king, musician and songwriter, he was a worshipper. Many of his passages and phrases are embedded in songs we probably sing every Sunday at church. Try these on...

Just from Ps. 8 alone comes "O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!" heard in the song How Majestic Is Your Name. And this opening line from God With Us by MercyMe, "what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" from verse 4. I Will Call Upon the Lord has strong ties in the first verses of Ps 18. Ps 42 gives us "as the deer panteth for the water." So the Psalms are full of songs written by worshippers.

Obviously, David wrote Psalms like Chapter 18 when he was feeling very thankful and blessed. He says things like, "The Lord is my Rock" and "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters...He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights." David is feeling very connected to God here I think. He feels like God has been there at every turn to show him the way and that he really trusts God will take care of him. I love this. I want this feeling.

But then you read some of the rest of the Psalms and you hear a very different song. Flip to Psalm Chapter 13 and David says, "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" Yikes, major change in perspective. David feels alone, empty, lost. He doesn't know where to go. He doesn't see the path. He feels like his enemies are pressing in on him.

And so David's song goes. A constant up and down. Sometimes he feels like he is on the right road and sometimes he feels like he's lost in the wilderness. Man I can identify with that. We want that constant contact with God but as we see, even with David who was "a man after God's own heart", there are going to be mountains and valleys. Times when God feels far from us. Why? I wish I knew. Maybe we let sin in. Maybe we are the ones walking away. Maybe like the parent who is teaching a child to ride a bike, God just has to take the training wheels off a bit and step back to see if we are going to fall or ride on this time. Whatever the reason, it is a stretching and preparing for something better, bigger. And just like in Psalms 42:5, we will yet praise again!

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Ps 42:5&6.

So long self.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It just seems like I haven't come across anything blog-worthy in the last few weeks. I wanted to share something I've been thinking about for a while.

Do you ever have those times when you handle a situation and then later in the day or later that night you think, "Man, if I'm really a Christian. If I really love God and His people, why didn't I handle that with more grace and love?" I can't seem to figure out why. I know what the book says and I know what God's heart is for His people, but sometimes I don't find myself having His heart when I have to deal with tough situations.

I've always liked this song by MercyMe. It is called So Long Self. It explains the abandon we need to fully realize John 3:30 that says:

"He must become greater; I must become less."

I've heard some translations that say, "He must increase, I must decrease." So to achieve the kind of Christ-likeness that helps us deal with situations like he would, I think we have to say, "so long self" and abandon our fleshly nature when we aren't in touch situations in hopes that it will bleed over during those tense times. Only when we fall out of love with ourselves can we love like the Father.

Enjoy the video.

Waiting for the picture to clear up...

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NIV)

I've known this scripture for years and I've heard it preached on for many years but I don't think I really understood what it means until now. (Actually, I probably still don't fully understand what it means. You'll see why in a minute).

As I've thought about how we wait on God and look for His plans, His direction, I realize that it is a difficult thing. I think we are used to a model that goes like this...I have a need. I pray for an answer. Then one of two things happens, I either don't recieve a quick answer and move on to other needs and stop praying for that one or I latch on to the first thing that comes along that might resemble an answer and I consider the case closed. Sounds about right, doesn't it.

Here is where I feel like the picture begins to get fuzzy. Recently in my own life I've seen some opportunities come along that looked very much like an answer to my prayer. They would have fulfilled the need I had at the time and they seem like very reasonable, good opportunities. So what is the problem, you might ask.

Well, even though my normal instinct would have been to jump on these opportunities like an ant on a cheese cracker, I felt something deep down that said, "Wait". I'm thinking to myself, are you crazy? Here is your answer. Here is your way out of this struggle. But I still felt that voice saying, "Wait." So I let that opportunity go by. This has happened 3 times now for the same need. I've seen a possible answer but it hasn't been God's answer. This is the first time in my life I have been presented with possible answers to prayers that I realized weren't God's answers. They were my answers. Man's answers.

I'm reminded of this scripture in Isaiah 30:19 & 21:

How gracious he will be when you cry for help!...Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

This gives me a promise to hang on to when I'm unsure about God's plan or His path. He will be like a voice behind me saying, "This is the way: walk in it."

Of course, now I'm really wondering how many times in the past I've gone down a path that wasn't really provided by God. I probably even gave Him credit for it and He's saying, "You came up with that one. You didn't wait on me. I had something even better planned for you. I had nothing to do with that."

So, where does the fuzzy picture play into all of this? Have you ever seen one of those optical illusions where in the middle of the page there is a small image, but as you widen your gaze you actually see that it is just a part of a larger image. Maybe you see a lion and then when you back out it is really a portrait of an old man? I tried to find one somewhere to illustrate but I didn't have any luck.

I think this is us as we are waiting. We finally get wised up and prayed up enough that we can see the smaller image. We see the lion and we think, "That is it. I've figured it out. I know God's plan." We accept that answer, good or bad, and then move on to other things. We are totally oblivious to the bigger picture - the bigger plan. Sometimes we need to wait a little longer. Pray a little longer. Be a little more sensative to hearing that voice from behind us telling us which way to go. We may never see the bigger picture.

The opening scripture said, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror." We may not ever see the whole picture clearly until we are in the heavenlies with the Father. And I think that is why we have to try harder to wait on His plan. If we go off on our merry way with only the vision of the smaller picture to guide us, we may take the wrong opportunities. Only by waiting on that voice behind us can we know we are taking the right opportunities. Staying on God's plan.