Praying and Seeking

In preparation for the worship team retreat where we had a workshop on prayer, I met with the ladies who conducted the prayer workshop. As we were talking, one of them suggested several books on prayer that would be good resources. Since everyone knows I don't like to read, I wasn't sure what to do. I'm already reading, "Satisfy My Thirsty Soul" I thought. There is no way I can pick up another book now. But I wanted to be a little prepared for the retreat, so I thought, "What the heck, maybe I can at least read a few chapters." So I decided to order the book from Inter Library Loan on campus so if I didn't get into it, at least I wouldn't be out any money.

So the book arrived and I began reading. Philip Yancey is the author and it is a book called "Prayer" subtitled "Does It Make Any Difference". ILL doesn't loan books for readers like me. They set deadlines for return within a month of the receiving date and everyone knows I don't read that fast even when I do read. I began reading a few chapters and so far I am really enjoying the book. So when my time ran out I just bought the book on Amazon. I'm almost half-way through and I probably have as many new questions as answers to old ones about prayer.

The author asks a lot of questions like, "If God really cares and really listens, why don't all our prayers get answered." And, "If some of us believe we are predestined then why pray at all. Can we change God's mind?" He raises a lot of questions that frankly have you thinking one minute about giving up on prayer all together and the next thinking you've been doing it wrong for years. I won't say I'm not struggling some with the ideas being presented but if the goal of the author was to make me think and ponder, he definitely has done that well.

I ran across a thought yesterday when I was reading that really made a lot of sense to me. I've gone through times when I've prayed and prayed for direction, answers, movement of the Holy Spirit in a situation and just felt nothing. Completely flat. Dry as a bone. And I've wondered why? Why, if I'm seeking God's will and asking for His direction, doesn't He respond. At least with something. A warm fuzzy or a stomach ache. Something.

In one revealing paragraph I found solace. The author first quotes Augustine who said with regard to the one that prays, "that he himself may be constructed not that God may be instructed." Does prayer construct us? Build us? Shape us into what we are and who we are?

He goes on to say, "I have sometimes found that I get an answer to my persistent request only after I have learned to do without it. The answer then comes as a surprise, an unexpected gift of grace." And here is my favorite part, "I seek the gift, find instead the Giver, and eventually come away with the gift I no longer seek. Asking, seeking and knocking does have an effect on God, as Jesus insists, but it also has a lasting effect on the asker-seeker-knocker."

We pray, not just to have our requests granted or to gain some prize, we pray because that is one way God shapes us and molds us. We've been instructed to do it and regardless of the answers we do or don't receive, we keep on doing it. We keep pressing in. And God uses the time we spend seeking to make us into the disciples He needs.

So don't give up on that prayer. Make your petitions known to God. Go boldly to the throne. The veil has been torn for us, so that we might meet with God face-to-face and have a relationship with Him. Prayer does make a difference.

Centering Prayer

We were very fortunate last week at our worship team retreat to have a workshop on prayer. The ladies that delivered the workshop gave information and showed us how to practice different forms of prayer. One of the types of prayer demonstrated was called Centering Prayer. I guess I should have known about this before but I'd never really heard or seen it demonstrated. Or at least I'd never seen it tagged with this name.

In the Satisfy My Thirsty Soul book I've shared about, the author challenges readers to try something very similar. She doesn't call it centering but calls for us to learn how to "quiet our inner chatter" so we might hear from God. It is very interesting.

So what is centering prayer, you ask? Well, the author of the book suggests that we set aside 20 minutes to focus on God and quietly listen for His response and feel His presence. Have you ever tried to sit quietly and focus on only one thing for 20 minutes before? How about five minutes? This is hard stuff.

The first time I tried this my thoughts went something like this. "God you are so wonderful and good to me. I don't deserver Your...was that the dryer buzzer? What was in there? Oh towels. They can wait. And God I just want to be in your presence and feel your touch...did I remember to put mouth wash on the grocery list? I know I'll forget. Must remember mouth wash. Ok, and God I just want to sit in Your stillness and hear your voice. [5 seconds pass] Is that the refrigerator door? Riley get out of the refrigerator! Grrr." So needless to say in about 60 seconds I really was off to a poor start.

One of the ladies at the retreat offered a nice addition to this practice. She suggested deciding on a word or image that you would come back to when you begin to feel your internal chatter taking over. It might be the visual of you sitting at the feet of Jesus or a word that brings God into focus for you. For me it might be the word "constant". Knowning not only that God is constantly with me but that I want my focus on him to be constant.

I'm not going to say that I have this one down yet by any means, but I will say it is very rewarding and a great blessing. To sit uninterupted in God's presence is a beautiful thing. It brings strength. And I will also say the more I do it, the better I get at turning down the internal chatter. It is like exercising or anything else. Start small. Maybe in your lifestyle a five minute centering prayer would be a miracle. So start there. As you get better at it, you 'll be surprised how fast the time flies.

Get This Book!

Ok, I've been reading the book referenced in the last post, "Satisfy My Thirsty Soul" by Linda Dillow and it is WONDERFUL! It is really targeted at women (based on a lot of the examples she gives) but there are quotes and stories from some of her male friends and basically everything in there applys to any child of God.

If you've been looking for a personal bible study or even just a book to read a few pages at a time before you go to sleep, I would definitely recommend it. If you are a women who just feels spiritually tapped and low on joy, this book is for you. If you can't even find five minutes in the course of a day to say a prayer to God, this book will give you some ideas. Check it out!

One of the things the author focuses on in the early chapters of the book is finding quiet time to worship the Lord and get face-to-face with Him. I have always tried to maintain a daily (ok, more like a few days a week probably if you average it out) personal quiet time in the Word and in prayer but I'll be honest, it is HARD TO DO. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this or not, but inevitably someone walks in, the phone rings, the baby is crying, the toddler is whining, the dryer is dinging, you name it and it tries to distract.

When I don't get my quiet time and I'm not able to spend time with the Father, I begin to dry up mentally and spiritually. I just feel like I'm empty and have nothing left to give. Sometimes I don't even want to speak to anyone I feel so devoid of any goodness from God at that point. I think the author of this book gets it. Even the title, "Satisfy My Thirsty Soul" hits is right on the head.

So how can we get filled up again? We've got to spend time alone with God. Praising Him for His goodness, listening for His voice and lingering in His Word. Finding this time is going to become a priority in my life - I can't live well without it. This may mean the baby has to stay at daycare 30 minutes longer, this may mean I have to take a half-day off from work once a month just to renew my spirit, this may mean I have to ask one of my friends from church to watch the baby.

Whatever it takes, this has to become priority. In my past I would have used these methods to find time to get my lawn mowed, go to the grocery or clean out my garage - but now those things are going to move to a lower priority. If I'm going to be a good wife, mother, worship leader, friend, Christian, believer - I have to get my priorities right. I have to move from the Martha mentality of service to God being #1 and become like Mary, putting the relationship with God #1. I'm declaring this to my blog reading friends and would encourage you to examine your relationship - is God your "one thing".

Speed

My daughter loves to watch the movie Cars where a little race car learns the lesson that people are more important than fame and that sometimes you must slow down to enjoy the good things in life. The first word spoken in the movie is, "Speed."

I'm reading a book now called "In Praise of Slowness." It isn't necessarily a Christian book but it does offer many ideas that appeal to the life of a Christian. The author is french, I believe. He says he got the idea for this book when he was waiting for a bus. He is the father of a toddler and writes that he was locked in the nightly tug-of-war over the reading of bedtime stories. His son wanted stories read at a meandering pace with attention to detail. Honore' (the author) would try to stear his son towards the shortest books and read them at a lightening pace in order to get this process finished up so he could return to email and other pressing things on his agenda.

Honore' was delighted to run across an article while waiting for the bus advertising a book called, "The One Minute Bedtime Story." A collection of traditional themes condensed to a 60 second format seemed like the perfect solution. He was about to hit the purchase button on Amazon when he says revelation hit, "Am I completely insane?"

It is this kind of reality that I'm beginning to find in my own life. My days have begun to resemble choreographed sets where if even one event or task is off by 5 minutes the entire schedule must be adjusted. Multiple changes of clothes must be packed in the car in the morning to accomodate the days events without a "wasted" trip home. Lunch hours are not spent as a break but as an opportunity to get one more thing done. Honore' sums it up well in his book when he describes:

"Tempted and titillated at every turn, we seek to cram in as much consumption and as many experiences as possible. As well as glittering careers, we want to take art courses, work out at the gym, read the newspaper and every book on the bestseller list, eat out with friends, go clubbing, play sports, watch hours of television, listen to music, spend time with the family, buy all the newest fashions and gadgets, go to the cinema, enjoy intimacy and great sex with our partners, holiday in far-flung locations and maybe even do some meaningful volunteer work. The result is a gnawing disconnect between what we want from life and what we can realistically have, which feeds the sense that there is never enough time."

Wow! That pretty much sums it up for me. And probably a lot of people I know. I could even take out some things like vacations, clubbing, sports, cinema and television and still feel like there isn't enough time. Speed is becoming an adiction for our society I think. I'll admit I've had a euphoric feeling of victory when I've conquered a hellish weekend full of activities that would make most cry without dropping the ball. There is a feeling of accomplishment, but at what cost?

At this break-neck speed what is being left behind? I'm not lazy. I'm not tired or burned-out. I'm not complaining about all the wonderful opportunities I have in my life. But I might be crazy. I might be deluding myself that just because I can do all things before me that I really should. Or that it really is a good thing for me or the ones I'm serving.

I guess what I'm looking at is quality. Or as Jesus would put it, fruit. John 15:16 says, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last." The fruit of a half-listening, over-stimulated, under-rested, overbooked, clock-watching Christian is probably not what He had in mind when He said, "fruit that will last." So how do we know what to do and what to leave? Seek God. Read Jesus' words. Pray to the Holy Spirit for direction. Wait. He will show us where the fruit needs to grow and He will cut out the things that bear no fruit.

My prayer lately has been, "Lord, shine a light in me. Find my dark places. Those things that I want that mean nothing to you." He will do this. He will show us the branches that bear no fruit. What freedom comes in the cutting off of dead wood! How much more room there is in our little clay pot (2 Corinth 4:7) for the filling of the Spirit when the dead fruit is removed.

I'll quit with one last thought from Honore's book, if you think you don't have enough hours in the day, check this out http://www.sleeplearning.com/
More info on Slowness at Honore's website http://www.carlhonore.com/?page_id=6

Waiting

For the bible study group this will be a preview and extension of tonight's lesson.

Wait. This is a word I've been hearing from Jesus the last few weeks loud and clear. We hear these phrases all the time, "I'm just waiting on God" or "I'm waiting on an answer." Even a commonly quoted verse is Isaiah 40:31:

31Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

For a long time I would have said that I'm a person who "waits" on God. I pray about His plans for me. I try to discern through the Holy Spirit the right choices. I try to find His plan for me. Sometimes I've even followed the Holy Spirit into decisions I wouldn't have made on my own power or that maybe didn't seem logical to anyone else and I believe I was blessed for it. So why don't I feel like a seasoned "wait-er". Well, an assult on my thinking in the last few weeks has made me realize that I'm still missing a lot of what it means to wait. It is more than what we rationalize in our minds that waiting should be. So what does it mean to wait???

First, when I was exercising at the gym a couple of weeks ago I put on a podcast from James MacDonald. I love my smartphone btw. Having all these resources available when I have a little free time is very uplifting. But back to the topic, I started listening to a series called "Powered by the Holy Spirit" and it was a study of the chapter of Acts. In the first chapter, he was referencing verse 4 where Jesus tells the disciples to "wait" for the Holy Spirit (which they don't but that is another study).

Jesus says, "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about."

The gift He was talking about was the Holy Spirit.

In this study, James began to question what it means to wait. He gave the example that even though we are sitting at a red light in our car, we might not actually be waiting. One online definition of wait is To remain or rest in expectation.

I've been at a red light. I've seen others at red lights. How many of us, when the light changes, will give the car in front of us a little "honk" if they don't move within 6 seconds? Or maybe we are fussing and cussing to get moving because we are running late and the car in front of us isn't in the same hurry we are. Are we really "resting in expectation"? No way. We're planning, scheming, multi-tasking, fussing but we aren't really waiting.

So if we apply this to our time of "waiting on God" for answers, resources, directions, we probably aren't really waiting either. This is where my conviction began.

Maybe our lack of waiting doesn't look like the impatient driver at the red light but maybe it looks like this...

Scenerio: Your family is at the realization that you need or want a new vehicle. So you begin to look at cars online. You start driving through the parking lot looking. You ask all your friends and neighbors if they like their car. You decide what color you want. You decide what features you can't live without. You spend a lot of time on the car payment calculator. You decide how much you can pay. Now with all that decided you begin to pray, "Lord, if it be your will, please send me an '09 Ford Taurus with 20,000 miles in red or blue and it can't cost more than $250 per month. This is me. I've done this. Maybe not in so many words, but I've had all my plans laid out in my power and then asked God to bless it and say it is ok.

So what is the problem with this? Maybe nothing? Maybe we're just being good stewards in considering what is practical (this was always my reasoning)? Except, maybe we are missing what God really had planned. Maybe He really wanted to give you a raise at work to pay for a bigger car so you could help pick up your neighbor kids and take them to church too or because He plans to bless your family with another child. Maybe His plan was for something bigger and better but because we already decided on what we thought was possible, acceptable or desireable, we totally cut off His ability to provide for us. We didn't wait. We planned, we schemed, we decided and then we asked God to get on board. What if we did wait and started with prayer first? Who knows. Only God knows.

This is really hard. This goes against everything that comes natural to us. I'm so overwhelmed by this. I have so many thoughts on this. Too much for one post or one bible study lesson. I have so much to learn. I plan to share more on this subject soon. Be blessed.

Listen to James MacDonald at: http://www.walkintheword.com/Broadcast.aspx